Our vigil is over.
My father died peacefully in his sleep yesterday morning with all his family around him.
What a long hard battle he fought. Unbelievably bravely and always always with such humour. Not once did he complain about anything that was happening to him over the last few years. Not once.
What an emotional week we’ve all had, but I am truly proud to have been part of his journey. What a team we all made. Towards the end he moved his hand up to hold my mother’s and there they stayed. My mother whispered through her tears “look at the book that’s popped out of line on the top shelf and it was called “Hold My Hand I’m Dying”….
My brother cooked one of our father’s favourite meals last night and we bought champagne to toast him with and too many bottles of wine to drown our sorrows with and whilst my two brothers and I were putting it all in bags at the supermarket the man at the till casually asked “is it a special occasion?” and although it was tempting to come out with something inappropriate, he would have felt bad so we just said “yes, a very special occasion” and in a way, it was….
We were celebrating the life of a remarkable man. One who successfully managed to be a father and a best friend to all three of his children. It was truly a privilege to have known him so well.
What he has taught us -.what I hope to pass on to my kids….
Another time, to write about such things. Now, my exhausted body will have to emerge from our peaceful but hugely emotional bubble blinking into the light and into the bigger, wider, most certainly emptier world and go back to my children. And to Builder Bloke. Do I ever need a hug from all of them.
It’s my mother now we are all going to have to take care of. She doesn’t have anybody to go back to – I wrote once about how she could barely breath without him. We are doing all we can to be her oxygen masks but it’s not going to be easy.
Shiny
November 14, 2010What a wonderful celebration of a man who was obviously wonderful too. My thoughts are with you and your family, especially your mum. With love, Shiny x
Family Affairs
November 14, 2010Thanks to you both xx
TheMadHouse
November 14, 2010No words at this time, just gentle hugs
karen
November 14, 2010Hi. I have just been round to catch up and found I have been away too long and didn’t know… but I have read all your posts, and just wanted to send thoughts and best wishes from over here… Take care x
Erica
November 14, 2010What a lovely way to go, if there is such a thing.
What more can you ask for than to be surrounded by your loving family, puts it all into perspective really.
XX
kelloggsville
November 14, 2010My thoughts an prayers are for you. Well done for making this the best it could be for all. Looking after your mother will be hard for a while. Lots of love and support for you all. K x
'm'
November 14, 2010So sad – but so beautifully narrated over this past week by you. If any of us could choose how to leave this world, would not this be the ‘perfect’ way? – at home and surrounded by those who love and are loved. I’m sure your grieving will be eased by the dignity and peace during these last days.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
M x
Family Affairs
November 14, 2010Thanks ‘m’….xxx
Anna
November 14, 2010Our thoughts are with you. Yesterday, my husband and I sat at night, talking agout your father, and there were two options: to cry or not to cry. We decided for the latter. Like you say, he deserves a smile and a celebration.
Family Affairs
November 14, 2010yup. Laugh. He would prefer that. Lx
janelle
November 14, 2010love love love from a very dusty little african hill….warm embraces… xxx
Family Affairs
November 14, 2010Thank you important dusty African hill xx
Helen P
November 14, 2010Sending you all lots of love. I have no more words right now. xxx
Brighton Mum-Teenage Angst
November 14, 2010That sounds like a beautifully perfectly peaceful end, to a wonderfully well loved man. And what a journey, well done to you all for walking it with him. You have every right to be extremely proud of your part in that journey. Much love to you all xx
Family Affairs
November 14, 2010Yup, you are right, we certainly walked the walk Lx
Miranda
November 14, 2010Big hugs to you all. xxxxxxxx
Family Affairs
November 14, 2010Thanks M x
Lucia
November 14, 2010Thinking of you x
Family Affairs
November 14, 2010Thx x
libby
November 14, 2010You sound like a really remarkable family…and you will hold your dad in your heart always.
Forgive me, a stranger, for saying this, but your words and actions have been wonderful.
Family Affairs
November 14, 2010Thanks and no need to ask forgiveness! Even if we haven’t met, I think people can relate on many different levels at times like this x
Working Mum
November 14, 2010My deepest sympathy to your and your family.
Rosehip
November 14, 2010I am delurking after years of reading your blog. Just wanted to say that my thoughts and condolences are with you all, and how special that you were all able to be together with your father during his last days. Your father sounded a wonderful man. R x
Family Affairs
November 14, 2010Thanks, delurker – most appreciated Lx
LoopyLu
November 14, 2010I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁 xx
Family Affairs
November 14, 2010Thanks loopylu x
Emma @ Mummy Musings
November 14, 2010Glad the end happened peacefully, and such a lovely way to celebrate his life.
Expat Mum
November 15, 2010Oh Lu… I’m so glad that it was such a peaceful time for him, and for you (in a way) but my heart still goes out to you. And you’re right – you’re mum will need some very special care and attention. Not so much in the first month or two, but when everyone else has gone back to their normal lives, that’s when she might feel the loss even more.
The Queenager’s fave saying at the moment (as she’s facing high school graduation) is – Don’t be sad it’s over, be happy that it happened.
xxx
di foden
November 15, 2010Love to you and your family. Look after yourselves. He sounds like he was a lovely man. xx
Laura
November 15, 2010Thinking of you Lulu xx
Chris
November 15, 2010So many people today dont get to die surounded by their loving family in their own home and at peace. Your Dad has given to you and you have given to him one wonderful final gift. Thinking of you all and sending a virtual hug. xx
English Mum
November 15, 2010So sorry for your loss, Lu darling. So lovely that you all spent time together to ‘celebrate’ his life. Thinking of you xx
fd
November 15, 2010so sorry for your loss. it will hopefully be of some comfort to you all that he was surrounded by his family and you were with him at the end.
Karin
November 15, 2010Peace to you all.
aisling
November 16, 2010As perfect a passing from one world to the next as a person could ask for. I am so sorry for your loss and so full of admiration for the way you, your family and your father handled it – it will be a great source of comfort to you all to look back on it in years to come and say “we were there for him, and for each other”. Take care. a.
Family Affairs
November 16, 2010Yup. We were there for him. There’s not much else that mattered at the time x
Jon Storey
November 16, 2010Lulu, I have just picked up this post.
Your Father must have been a wonderful man, deepest sympathy to you and your family.
Jon
patty
November 16, 2010i’m sorry for your loss. we lost my dad 2 years ago this month and i still think about him each day as well as my mom who pasted 9 years ago. i’ll say a prayer on sunday for you all
Family Affairs
November 17, 2010Thank you very much x
Jane Alexander
November 17, 2010Oh my lovely girl….my heart so totally goes out to you. I have managed to lose two fathers and a mother (I know, over the top) so I can completely empathise. Thank God your family are supportive and you’re all together on this. And what a wonderful, dignified passing.
Yes, you will have to be your mother’s oxygen masks for a while, possibly a long while…just do remember what they say on the airlines – fasten your own mask first…(so, be kind to yourself, dear heart)…hugs upon hugs to you and the family. Janexxxxxxxx
Family Affairs
November 17, 2010Thanks Jane. So true – fasten your own mask first…..Lx
Chic Mama
November 17, 2010I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. Thinking of you. XX
Family Affairs
November 17, 2010Thanks x