Unbelievably, my father is still hanging on in there. It’s all very peaceful here and if it is vaguely possible to have a “good death” then that is what he is having. All his family around, a calm environment, no pain, at home…..he’s happy. You can see that in his face. It’s totally relaxed.
Thank you SO much to everybody for all your messages of support. Thanks to all my friends who texted me yesterday for my birthday. Thank you to my lovely children for being so good and letting me get on with spending the most valuable time imaginable with my family and a HUGE thank you to Builder Bloke who has gone Stella this week (his favourite beer) by taking over the care of my children. He took them out last night for dinner, to celebrate my birthday. They all sang “Happy Birthday” to me REALLY REALLY loudly, even though I wasn’t there and couldn’t quite hear and BB sent a photo of them all waving at me…..
Here, where we are, it is like being in a little warm cosy bubble. The outside world has disappeared almost completely for a minute. We are all taking turns, as I’ve said, in sitting with him, rubbing his back, giving him drinks, looking after our mother and my sister in law has been completely amazing. She is a trained nurse and a make-up artist so can not only advise on how to make my father more comfortable, but has been shaving him AND yesterday, for a birthday treat she gave me a manicure. My brother gave me a card that said “Happy Group Hug Day”.
My father has had many incredibly moving messages from lots and lots of old friends and an especially important one from his brother in Australia. Last night we toasted him with a glass of champagne and me for my birthday and he somehow found the strength to talk about how clearly he remembered me being born and then to say, “all these years I’ve been thinking that I’m a prat – how extraordinary to find out that’s not what other people think of me”.
One email came from a very old friend of his. I hope he won’t mind if I copy a little bit of it out here – I just found it so extraordinarily moving – you don’t really think about how differently men feel about their friends until reading something like this:-
“My dear friend et Mon Capitain,
I have heard that the game is up and you must cross over and that we will be separated for a moment between this life and the next.
You gave it a wonderful fight and the very best shot you had and by God you have done well and you have my greatest admiration. We men don’t have many opportunities in life to make soul buddies between whom nothing is unknown and whose opinions and advice and company is very much cherished. I am proud that you let me have you as one of a magnificent few in my life, for which I am ever grateful that the loneliness of being a man is broken by your companionship.
Have a good crossing.
Your friend and fellow sailor in life
A bientot
Yours ever aye
Muddling Along
November 12, 2010That’s beautiful – will be remembering you, your father and your family in my prayers
Family Affairs
November 12, 2010Isn’t it beautiful? Lx
Julie C
November 12, 2010This really brought tears to my eyes Lucy, so lovely that he could wish you a Happy Birthday. Wonderful that your father’s friend could share that with him, a truly touching reminiscence.
janelle
November 12, 2010oh golly that made me cry….so poignantly beautiful. thank you for sharing that and everything. thinking about you on my little windy hill….sending radiant african love all the way xx j
Family Affairs
November 12, 2010He is now in need of radiant African love so thank you Janelle – he has just said he wants us to take his ashes back to Victoria Falls! It’s one of his fondest memories, being on the train back from school and seeing the falls out of the window Lx
Chris
November 12, 2010oh dear sniff sniff thats lovely xx
Expat Mum
November 12, 2010Wow – what a testament. I hope someone says that about me before I die! Keep smiling and holding his hand.
x
Anna
November 12, 2010Darn it. That’s some message from an old friend.
I had to look up what prat meant. You know what my almost 8 year old son said when we explained what was happening to your dad? At first he was quite angry. Then he said: “If that’s how little he’s got, I wish that the time stopped and the minutes did not go by.”
janelle
November 12, 2010you know what? my dad ALSO used to take the train over the victoria falls to school….ask him if he also used to throw the pillows out the train when it crossed the bridge???? my dad did! love love love from africa to your dad…..x j
libby
November 12, 2010My goodness what lovely words and sentiments.
Ms P
November 12, 2010And now I am crying…. What an amazing message. What an amazing friendship. I hope I leave this side with world with someone who thinks so highly of me. Wishing you all the best possible strength.
xx
Anon
November 13, 2010Vic Falls is a good place to find your final resting stop. Africa will always take you back.
My thoughts are with you and your father….
auntiegwen
November 13, 2010Beautiful, just beautiful x
Helen P
November 13, 2010I’m sobbing away here after reading that email. Remembering being with my dad when he died a couple of years ago. It was such a privilege to be there next to him as he set off on his ‘crossing’.
You are very much in my thoughts at the moment.
Aisling
November 13, 2010I think if a parent could “plan an ending” then this would probably be as near-perfect as you could ask for? It’s brought tears to my eyes, but warmth to my heart – what a wonderful family you have. Sending you fondest wishes at this tough time, and a reading recommendation: Chasing Daylight (How my forthcoming death transformed my life) by Eugene O Kelly: http://amzn.to/cDthwP
Eclipse
November 13, 2010It’s so sad we cannot always tell our friends until it is almost too late what we really think of them and what they mean to us. My thoughts are with you and all your family x
Crystal Jigsaw
November 13, 2010I’m sorry for missing your birthday but am sending you happy birthday wishes belatedly.
A time for you and your family to reflect on the wonderful times you have had with your dad. It sounds like he is enjoying life to the very end.
CJ xx