“Overall Balance” of the body is the essence of what I teach in my classes and it’s something I don’t seem to have a lot of at the moment. Mainly because my dizzy thing hasn’t gone away yet and so I’m still not quite right.
“Overall balance” in my life is completely non-existent (think see-saw with one huge child sitting on one end, touching the ground and a teeny weeny child dangling up in the air). I spoke to a lovely old school friend of mine last night – v wise, been through a divorce, now with a very clever man and when I need an overview she is one of my chief advisors.
She too has had difficulties with her ex and bringing up her children on her own. He has recently had another baby with his new partner and she was devastated to see that he had taken a photo of their three children all swaddled together – black and white, white babygrows, all looking the same and added his fourth child. Put the whole thing on Facebook. How insensitive is that? Unbelievable. She was really upset about it.
I was talking about my situation and telling her about all the emails he’s sending me all about finances and how he keeps asking me about my re-training plans and how I plan to make money. Yesterday’s email response from him (ignoring my point about that it was non of our business what the other chose to spend their money on) said “It does surprise me enormously that the feminist I met all those years ago is now demanding a life as a kept woman”. She told me to send him one last email telling him that he has to go through your lawyer in future if he wants to change the finances. That you have a financial agreement that works for you and if it doesn’t work for him then he needs to sort it out. End of story. Then DO NOT reply to any other emails he sends you about finances or agree to meet him to discuss them. It is too stressful for you”.
So that’s what I’ve done.
Then she suggested I speak to my 10 year old about yesterday’s issue. Tell him that I’m sorry there was a drama. That I’m sorry his father was cross, but that as his mother and the one who has custody there will be times when I have to make a decision that doesn’t suit everybody.
So that’s what I told him.
Then she suggested I go to an ENT specialist to find out more about the cause of my dizzyness.
So I’ve asked my Dr to refer me.
All a bit better then.
Thank you lovely friend. x
Expat Mum
September 16, 2010How long have I been telling you not to engage? How long? What am I? Chopped liver? Harrumph!
Family Affairs
September 16, 2010SORRY. I KNOW YOU HAVE!!! You and another friend too said the same thing a long time ago and I stopped engaging and then he got cross about the lack of contact and blamed me for not telling him about the kids so I opened up a line of communication again and then the same attack starts all over again……I am a goldfish. Lx
Lynda
September 16, 2010It sounds perfect. You have a great friend. However, if you have a spare minute do start thinking about the future. My ex brother-in-law who always paid without a quibble left his job which he disliked but made him a fortune and set up for himself. The result was he just didn’t have the money to give to my sister and she ended up getting practically nothing for several years. Now the boys are grown up and she is literally entitled to nothing. My round about point is that this seemed to happen in a flash so a long term plan is essential! Difficult to think about now but probably a good idea to try.
Family Affairs
September 16, 2010I know. I really do have to start thinking about how I am going to cope in the future…..Lx
Mrs P
September 16, 2010Wow. What a great friend. I need one like that. I don’t know any friends that have been through a divorce (only my brother in law and it’s probably not appropriate to speak to him!!!). I am at the very early stage of proceedings and am dreading it. I have the same issues with communication. He wants to know what the kids are up to everyday and doesn’t feel part of their life if I don’t tell him. There is a bit of me that feels under scrutiny …. Why should I tell him everything. If he hadn’t slept with the nanny (who is now seeing again !!) then he would be part of their lifes all the time. Life just doesn’t work out like we hope & dream it could, should and would it’s soo difficult.
Anyway enough of my rant. Hope it all works out soon and you can move on with your life without the ball & chainl that’s dragging you down.
Me x
Family Affairs
September 16, 2010SLEPT WITH THE NANNY??? And then expects to get the same updates. It’s extraordinary isn’t it. My ex had an affair and then was amazed when I divorced him. Let me know if you need any help with advice etc – if I can’t give it I’ll pass you on to my wise friend!! Lx
Mrs P
September 20, 2010Am struggling I have to say. I still miss him but he is not the person I married. I don’t understand how he could have hurt me and destroyed our family. It just doesn’t make sense. Deep down we will be better off in the long run but it just seems to take so long. I found out about his affair nearly 11 months ago and it still upsets me. Although he has now moved on with her I know it is definitely over between us. I had hoped for a long time something would happen and we would be together again. I feel cheated again that he is with someone, living in a nice rented house & sees the kids as & when he wants – Each weekend for a few hours / day / overnight. Maybe I am bitter… I just want it all to be sorted. He is starting to get the message that I don’t want to speak to him. I have to call him every night for the kids to say goodnight (age 4 & 2) and the call lasts barely a few minutes. Last week there were three nights I couldn’t get hold of him and then called on Sunday morning to say he would have the kids for a few hours. He just doesn’t seem interested but if I question him it’s like the biggest insult ever .,, confused … Very. Anxious over divorce.., very but no point in waiting. No maintenace received (we separated 6 months ago & sold house) so money needs to get sorted too as well as access arrangements. I need all the luck & advice I can get !!! X
Family Affairs
September 21, 2010Poor you. What a horrible situation. At least in some ways you have your answer regarding whether you should still be together – if he is with her now then you know you’ve got to get on with your life without him. Harsh I know, but it took me years of faffing about before I realised I couldn’t forgive him and we split up anyway. Have you got a lawyer? You need to push for a financial settlement ASAP. If you’d had a lawyer at the beginning you would no doubt have been advised not to sell the house until everything was agreed. Then you probably wouldn’t have had to move out of it. The kids are so young. I really feel for you. However, I wouldn’t be calling him every night. They are too young to remember and it should be him calling you anyway – particularly if he’s seeing them as and when. Don’t make it so easy for him. Let me know if you want me to email you. Lx
Family Affairs
September 21, 2010PS 11 months is nothing – don’t be surprised you are still upset……you don’t sound bitter to me just understandably hurt and confused and probably angry…..that’s all completely normal Lx