It’s been a long, emotional and strange old week.
My father came out of hospital the day before yesterday after three weeks of yet more operations, investigations, blue dye tests, biopsies, histology tests with still not everything resolved as it should be. He now weighs less than my nine year old (which if you’ve met my nine year old isn’t that difficult, but still). He is still struggling to find his appetite, but at least he is at home. My poor mother has been beside herself. I am going to make him mounds of his favourite fudge – several rounds of that should add a few extra kilos to his body. I hope.
I miss my friend. The class I took earlier in the week was hugely difficult. Last week there was still a window of hope that one day she would be back on her designated mat. In her space. This week, I had to accept that she is simply never going to come back. She was 32. Too, too young. I was accused of being hyperactive in the class by my other clients. Making them work very hard. The truth of the matter is that I was finding it almost impossible to focus on what I was meant to be doing. I am quite sure I was doing everything too quickly but it was in an effort to stop myself from crying. I couldn’t look at her mat. I kept recalling her beautiful face. Then Eva Cassidy’s “Fields Of Gold” came on and my heart felt as if it was going to burst with sorrow – “You’ll remember me, when the west wind blows”….. When I was teaching her at home, during one of her rounds of chemotherapy she would always play that album and it completely reminds me of her – in more ways than one obviously given Eva’s tragically early death from cancer.
Tomorrow is my charity walk for several breast cancer charities – the Pink Power Walk, set up by some friends of mine in honour of Caron Keating originally. It will be difficult. Our lovely friend was meant to walking with us. Instead another friend is taking her place and I’m meeting up with the two other girls who did it with her last year. We will all walk together and talk about our wonderful friend who will be with us in spirit. I’ve set up a fundraising page. I know some of you knew her or have been touched by cancer in some way so if anybody wants to make a donation let me know and I’ll send you the link. I received the most lovely note yesterday from a woman who had been part of a small group of website friends all dealing with the same form of cancer. They had never met, but developed a strong bond through their link and through her blog and they had planned to get together in the summer. It reminded me again how amazingly powerful and supportive the internet can be.
The strangest thing I’ve done this week is to have eyelash extensions applied in preparation for her funeral on Monday. She LOVED having them done – they made her feel so much better when she was worried about her hair falling out and another friend suggested that we do it as a gesture of, well, I’m not really sure what actually. It seemed like such a ridiculous idea, but somehow appropriate and anyway, I guess everything seems strange when you are in this sort of situation. There are no rules. It is simply a matter of doing anything that feels right. Anyway, I snored through the entire hour long process and woke up looking like Minnie Mouse – huge curly things that don’t actually feel terribly comfortable – still, at least we know it will make her laugh.
Although it might be even stranger to have a Grandmother that is about to be expelled from her care home for punching somebody in the face.
Although it might be even stranger still that I have been invited to model swimwear with a couple of blog friends for a fashion company. I told my children “YOU?? MODEL SWIMWEAR? WHAT, ACTUALLY BE THE ONE THEY’RE TAKING PHOTOS OF?? BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR HIDEOUS LEGS?” said my nine year old.
jo
May 15, 2010Hi,
Just to say that up until my divorce, I ran/walked the Y-Me Breast Cancer 5K in Chicago every year for 10 years.
I applaud anyone who does anything for such a worthy and sad cause.
And as for you modelling swimsuits – BRAVO!
(Don’t listen to the 9 year old)
xx jo
Reluctant Memsahib
May 15, 2010Do make your dad fudge; just what he needs.
I’m so so sorry about your friend; I agree too young to go. Much too young …
And I think the eyelash extensions are perfect; I know your friend would agree x
English Mum
May 15, 2010Well, that’s probably a record: you’ve made me cry, and then laugh uproariously, all in one post.
And ARE YOU GOING TO MODEL WITH ME THEN, OR BLOODY NOT?!
Family Affairs
May 15, 2010SO would love to. Still waiting to see if I can get cover for my Wednesday class……will let you know tomorrow – also need to book an appointment to get new legs attached before then, so cutting it all a bit fine. Lx
TheMadHouse
May 15, 2010I will be thinking of you and your dear friend. Cancer touches so many lifes
Mud
May 16, 2010Swimwear modelling – wow! Very impressed. Please do send me the link for your walk – very happy to support you.
x
hippie443
May 17, 2010How does this tie to one of the previous posts? Maybe I’m slow… because I could’ve been on a differnet blog. lol Nevermind. At any rate, it was a solid post. Cya
F. Wilson
Mini cookie cutter
Cami Bievenue
May 17, 2010Hey, this blog is really happening! It took me quite some time to read through all the replies. I appreciate the idea of tweeting the post so that more people could find it!