ELECTION SELF MEDICATION REQUIRED THIS WEEK

The last Sunday before everything changes again. This election. Honestly. How have they been allowed to put us all through this interminable pain so close to Christmas? Please, no more party political broadcasts or images of politicians playing football and visiting our on –it’s-knees NHS. Although I do want to see Boris quizzed by Andrew Neil – he’d better not renege on that interview.

Also, sorry but WTF was Boris doing refusing to look at the photo of the 4 year old boy Jack being forced to sleep on the floor of the hospital and then taking the journalists phone and putting it in his pocket? He’s a freak. Not fit to run the country and with zero compassion.

In an attempt to stay interested, there is still one ear on the endless conversations about who not to vote for and how we don’t like anyone, so how should we vote tactically by holding our nose in the hope that it will all become clear on Friday 13th (lucky for some). But there is a real risk that it won’t become at all clear and “oven ready” as per BJ’s predictions. We could well be heading for further deadlock because the Tories won’t get the majority they need and we end up with a coalition government. Which means more voting in more referendums I suspect.

As a result of all of this angst, I appear to be self medicating in wine, gin, anything frankly rather more than usual in an attempt to make it all go away. I’m going to start drinking straight vodka soon, out of the bottle, on the curb, any time soon. Although really we should all be attempting to stay warm, eat well, don’t get ill and be bright as buttons for Thursday 12th December.

I must try harder to pace myself over the next 3 weeks because by drowning my sorrows, I have incurred some alcohol related injuries, which is alarming because the party season hasn’t even properly started yet.

1. My left arm doesn’t lift up anymore (literally), which is a particularly good look when I’m demonstrating in a Pilates class. When doing an arm stretch only one of them goes up and whilst I have mentioned it lots of times, my class all copy me and put one arm instead of two up at the same time). Apparently I have damaged the nerves in my shoulder and the doctor says it could take a year and a half to come back. This is frankly a disaster and extremely disappointing and awful, given that I think I did it whilst playing the cereal box game with my children.

2. I have twisted my ankle and bruised my knee. This was because I stupidly decided to take the bus home from my work Christmas party a few days ago. I also got on the wrong bus and had to be helped out by a knight in shining armour.

Even my mother has lost the plot. I bought her a chocolate advent calendar and she has just confessed that she’s eaten them all already! It’s bad enough when your children do it (which they do – mainly my youngest one) but honestly, when your own mother starts demonstrating a lack of control at the highest level, it is truly a sign that we are heading into the abyss.