I have just had the most lovely evening – meeting new people and eating so much I feel sick and now it’s all been marginally tainted by the fact that I have just received my third text ever from Builder Bloke’s ex wife/my ex husband’s second wife/my children’s step mother. She has forwarded me a text that BB sent her earlier today. Most of the time he forwards the texts that she sends him to me because they are SO long and angry he can’t be arsed to read them. So now I’ve become some strange intermediary agent who has to read both parties texts.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? Why should I get involved in their relationship – which is frankly shockingly bad? She treats him like a cross between a three year old. a mad axe murderer, a deranged psychopath and a complete idiot with Tourette’s and he reciprocates by behaving according to type.
Is it reasonable for her to text me and ask me to tell him not to send her unreasonable texts? I don’t actually think it should be anything to do with me. Should I get involved? Should I respond? I am tempted to reply by simply saying “your issues with your X husband are nothing to do with me and I suggest that you both work out a way to grow up in order to provide a more stable support for your children”. Perhaps I should suggest they go to counselling. Or would stony silence be a better response?
It is beginning to do my head in. Again.
Mud
September 25, 2010You can’t get involved. You can provide support to his BB in your role within your relationship with him, but geting involved as an active participant in their relationship (or lack of it) is only ever going to be painful.
I’m not surprised it is doing your head in!
Family Affairs
September 25, 2010Do you think I should tell her that I don’t want to be involved? Or just leave it. Lx
Anna
September 25, 2010Speak to him about it. Do not get involved. Getting between warring parties, ex-couples or ex-anything, for that matter, invariably backfires, at least in my experience.
Family Affairs
September 25, 2010Yup, quite sure being the go-between in a scenario like this has no rewards – shoot the messenger!! Lx
Miranda
September 25, 2010I wouldn’t engage personally, but that’s just me. Sounds like they thrive off all of this shit and responding just adds fuel. Crap situation for you, just crap!
Miranda
September 25, 2010punctuation! i mean “I wouldn’t engage, personally” As opposed to “I wouldn’t engage personally” – I don’t mean u should hire a hit man!
Family Affairs
September 25, 2010Thanks Miranda, bit disappointed though – thought your hitman idea was quite a good one!! Lx
LoopyLu
September 25, 2010I’d go with your first thought, sending her the message about her needing to sort it out between themselves x
di foden
September 25, 2010Ignore, ignore, ignore. She is trying to make you an extra in her self-created drama. Don’t fall for it. xx
Kelloggsville
September 25, 2010Hit delete. Anything you say (even with the best intentions) will be interpreted badly. A text from you cannot add positive to the situation but may make it worse. Tell BB you received txt for sure but don’t respond to her.
London City Mum
September 25, 2010Lovely lovely lovely to meet you ‘properly’ last night and what a great evening.
Re the text. Bummer. Personally I would phone her (shows that you are grown up and can talk, as opposed to text) and just say, quite simply, that you do not have the time or the inclination to deal with their problems.
And that they should both grow up.
Failing that, would give them both a dummy each that they could spit out in turn when the mood takes them.
LCM x
Mrs P
September 25, 2010Agree. Do not respond. It will only encourage her to engage you again if you respond now. Also if you’re anything like me and were to respond, you would instantly regret pressing the send button.
Stay clear of it as much as possible. Support BB but leave it at that.
I’m having a miserable time with my nearly ex and it is soul destroying. You’re getting on with your life … Keep going
S x
Expat Mum
September 25, 2010You know that anything you say will be twisted and used as evidence against you so I agree – hit “delete” and say nowt. The two of them are like chldren and you should have no part in fixing their strange relationship.
Family Affairs
September 25, 2010Thanks – you’re right…..like dealing with two difficult children – my kids are more mature than they are. Lx
Eclipse
September 25, 2010I agree with some of the people above. Delete the text and don’t respond. Even replying to say you aren’t going to get involved is getting involved. Tbh they really need to grow up.
Mrs P
September 25, 2010I’d like some advice on another matter if that’s possible and wasn’t sure where to post ( sorry to hi-jack).
My husband admitted his affair with our nanny at the end of last year and lead me to have a breskdown (sold house, horse & resigned from my job). At the end of march the house was sold and we both rented separate properties to give us some time & space apart. I was deeply shocked by what had happened as I never believed he would ever look at another woman. I didn’t really have any friends as the kids came first (probably the reason for the split). Anyway we’re apart and he’s been back with her for a couple of months. The kids don’t know about her being with him).
Anyway advice wanted … I was in car with my kids earlier talking about going away to super big school (university) when they’re older (the neighbours daughter has just gone) and my daughter (who’ll be 5 at the end of nov) said don’t worry you won’t be on your own as you’ll have daddy. I don’t spend anytime with him any more so not sure if I should try to explain the situation or just let her work it out in time. A bit rambled, but hopefully you get an idea of my problem … Any advice greatly welcome as I don’t want to get it wrong and upset her. They (my son is 2 1/2) have already been through so much.
Thanks
S x
Family Affairs
September 26, 2010I don’t think you need to say very much to them. They are obviously quite calm and accepting of the situation as it is – that you live in two separate houses – when she’s older and starts asking questions then tell her the facts of the matter – they don’t need the gory details. Kids are far more aware of what’s going on than we ever give them credit for but no need to give additional info just yet. I’m more concerned about your financial situation and how you are going to get your fair share of the sale of the house etc. Lx
saz
September 25, 2010dont respond…SILence…l learned this two days ago when LArry told me to call off the csa….l started to reply, when l thought what would he do…IGNORE me….l called my lawyer who agreed, let csa deal with him….he must be sweating….he isnt in control..
nor is she..you cant block her from you mobile, cos she may need to clal you when ex has your kiddies…
dont cha just HATE all this crap!!Grrrrr…
take care….
luv sazx
Carrie
September 27, 2010Hi Lulu,
Glad you had a great time on Friday – so sorry we didn’t get a chance to chat: you have a boy the same age, so it would have been great. Hopefully we can do something similar again!
Carrie
Family Affairs
September 27, 2010Thanks Carrie, yes was great – I’ll write about it v soon and thats a shame not to talk about same age boys!! Lx