SICK BAY

I still have three children on their summer holiday – which seems longer than everyone else right? Hasn’t everyone else’s kids gone back to school now?? My son doesn’t start until next Monday – at 11am he tells me – is he joking? Stroll in to school at 11am? Really? I bet he was meant to go back this week.

But it’s just as well, because he’s ill and my house is “Sick Bay.” I had to rush him to the Dr’s today who has put him on some trial antibiotics for some unknown revolting little shit (literally) of a bug that he’s picked up in Thailand which has prompted him to have a severe bout of D & V in the last 24 hours and to feel ill ever since he came back over a week ago. I feel so sorry for him. Not only did he use his hard earned money to get himself to Thailand but this is effectively the last day of his summer holiday and he has spent it with his head down the loo. I hope I can get him to keep fluids down enough to keep him hydrated – followed by trying to get him to keep a very large pill down that may or may not do something useful (depending whether it’s a bacterial or viral infection) so that we can avoid having to go to hospital.

My other two children are terrified he’s got Ebola – “don’t be RIDICULOUS” I told them “wrong continent and all that”, but I did try inquire as casually as possible as to whether he was sitting next to anyone who was throwing up on the plane…no thankfully. Seems I need to give my children a little lesson into what and how Ebola is contracted – my daughter came rushing in a few days ago – “OMG Sylvester Stallone has got Ebola” she gasped….so we listened to the remaining news only to discover that actually what she had heard was “Sierra Leonne”. It is actually quite a worry, I realise now that my children are so fully formed, as to how clueless they are about things that I meant to teach them along the way and now it’s too late!! I am sending them out into the big wide world with flaky knowledge on the world at best. I was discussing Salman Rushdie (“Salmon?? What sort of parent calls his child by the name of a fish and then just re-pronounces it to get away with it?) with my firstborn son yesterday and the “Fatwa” on his head – “FATWA??? What on earth is that?” he asked. I mean honestly. Don’t they know anything. By the time I’d explained who he was and then what had happened he’d gone out for a drink.

So I’m stuck at home. In sick bay, with nobody brave enough to step through the door. Fully armed up to the hilt with all the below products which may or may not stop the rest of us from getting it.

Watch this space. Gulp.

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