“THE PERFECT MOTHER”

I read yet another article in “The Times” this week about what constitutes the “perfect mother”.

When are we going to stop bothering to look for answers?  When are we going to accept that there is no such thing as the perfect mother.  Thank god.  If our children thought we were perfect they would be called “Oedipus” and “Oedipussy” and they would be costing us a fortune in family counselling.  It’s like “The Perfect Storm” or “The Perfect Murder” – it’s just not right.

Parents are designed to be at best a complete irrelevance to their children.  At worst we are hated in abundance.  If we are too strict with our children they will blame us for ruining their early life when we stopped them from snogging “the one” at the party they missed who went off with their best friend instead.  If we are too relaxed and try to be their friends they will blame us at some point in the future (probably whilst contemplating their mistakes whilst in a Thai prison).  We just can’t win.

It’s not a problem.  We need to get over it.  We can only be true to ourselves and do our best and hope that as they get older they will respect us and want our advice and even like us as people.

The article discussed the fact that mother’s agonise over whether we are “too hard or too soft” but that apparently we “worry about exactly the wrong things.  We project our own anxiety and guilt and fail to listen to our children’s real pride and complaints”.  Apparently the number one attribute of a perfect mother is one who “enjoys spending time with you”.

I decided to ask my children what Top three things they considered would make me perfect:-

Teenage Boy

1. Cook edible meals

2. Let me stay out late.

3. Drives me to school

Teenage Girl

1. Love

2. Buy me nice things

3. Support

9 Year old Boy

1. Think about us

2. Let us have a phone when we’re 9

3. Let 9 year olds walk to the shops by themselves being sensible until 7pm