Whilst it’s always good to talk, writing our thoughts down can be extremely powerful too and can help the mind process traumatic events or major life changes in a positive way. Not only has “writing to heal” been found to improve health and general wellbeing but a report in the paper this weekend said that a group of psychologists have found that blogs are beginning to replace teenage diaries as a choice of outlet and that writing an online public blog improves children’s self-esteem more than keeping a private journal.
Blogging, they say, helps boost a teenagers confidence and can help them relate better to friends. Opening the blog to comments had an even stronger impact because the writers often got support and advice.
This doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. I too found that writing a blog not only helped me order my thoughts and find a way of structuring my life in what was a very deep black hole but the support I got from other readers and bloggers and friends who would call after reading was invaluable. It was my form of counselling when all my friends had got a little bit bored of listening to me. I found the fact that there were other people out there willing to listen and advise and it was massively reassuring. It was also important to feel useful by being able to give my advice and support to others going through a difficult period for whatever reason.
Now things have changed again – I can’t write as openly as I’d like at the moment because my ex husband and his new wife read it and it is just exactly that same feeling as when you think your parents or your siblings are reading your diary. This is where the divide between an online diary and a private journal become very different. One is quite simply a lot more private than the other – but I am the one who has put myself in this position so I’ve got to work it out. Should I continue to be honest and upfront and face the consequences or go back to a private journal? I wonder, in years to come whether research will show that those teenagers will regret putting certain issues and truths up on their blog for all to see or whether they will continue to feel that honesty and openness is the way forward in our brave new Facebooky world.
Nicola
January 9, 2012Last night I couldn’t sleep and googled ‘How to Survive A Divorce’. (I might have said this before – I don’t remember). I found you and your wonderful blog.
I have to stop myself from wanting to write every divorce related thought going through my head onto my blog. I might cause the entire web to crash. But, I need an outlet – so desperately at the moment, but I don’t want to keep hearing the sound of my own whining voice while I complain. So I’m blogging instead.
I hope that Ex-Husband and New Wife find some other blog to read, because I need this one and they don’t!
Family Affairs
January 9, 2012Aaaah. Thats very sweet of you. Glad you found me and my lovely friend in Tanzania too!! Lx
Expat Mum
January 9, 2012Very tricky one, because you obviously can’t unload if you know they’re reading every single word, especially as they have been known to twist what you say or otherwise deliberately misunderstand it.
I think it’s been suggested before, but you could always start a new, truly anonymous blog.
Family Affairs
January 9, 2012I know. It has been suggested. It would only just all happen again though. Don’t really want to do that. Just have to find a way to self regulate without a) pissing anybody off and b) being boring as hell! Lx
janelle
January 9, 2012oh you’re still one of my bestests. so there. but i do miss the “Please don’t vote for me because then I’ll have to wear a brown paper bag over my head so my ex doesn’t find out about the blog” days….still. you absolutely rock. happy new year and keep on bloggin’ babes. xxx
Family Affairs
January 9, 2012I KNOW!! It’s now ridiculously boring in comparison isn’t it. Oh well. Tante pis as my father would have said. Lx
kelloggsville
January 9, 2012Hard one. I worry about what I write sometimes too. Why don’t you try a bit of both. I know someone that keeps 2 blogs and one is an invite only one on blogger because some of the things that were being written could have been badly received if discovered. You can absolutely control who reads an invite only blog – they do it by ‘fairly’ discretly saying they have posted at the other one, I follow the link and the first time I requested access, now I can just read as normal. If you are interested how it looks to the public world, I’ll mail you a link.
Family Affairs
January 9, 2012Don’t think I could cope with the stress! I too know somebody that does that but not sure it’s the right answer for me. FREEDOM OF SPEECH rules this year I have decided. Lx
qlddeb
January 10, 2012It sucks. I wish the ex & the new wife would just get a life and stop interfering in yours.
It smells of them being rather unfullfilled. Why do they bother to be so involved? If the kids had an issue it would be a different thing.
Unfortunately they don’t have a full and complete life of their own (hence the constant monitoring and interference of yours) and if you do start being honest and open as you have in the past (& I miss that, but understand why) you only give them fuel to winge & carry on.
You do what you have to do, we’ll stand by you.
Family Affairs
January 10, 2012Ah. Thanks Deb – how lovely of you. I’m sure it will all be fine in the end….Lx
jenny
January 10, 2012you know what would drive them mad? Password protect some posts and you can select who gets to see them?
Family Affairs
January 10, 2012Can you do that just for certain posts? I thought it had to be the whole thing? Nope. Still don’t think thats a good idea. I should tbh be able to say what I want to say regardless and if it becomes an issue with secret posts it will only inflame the whole thing. No big deal at the moment. Nothing much to write about anyway. Lx
PS and anyway, I shouldn’t really at this stage have things that I can’t write about – we’re all grown ups. All different. Each to their own. I hope they’ve got bored now and I’m quite sure have better things to do than read the stuff I write.
Crystal Jigsaw
January 10, 2012It’s very easy to misinterpret the written word and that’s why we should always be careful when publishing online. I learned my lesson the hard way, but I try to be as open with my blog as I can.
Take care, CJ x