I was sent some information today about a recent study that revealed that a quarter of all British marriages are unhappy ones, with only one in five married couples describing themselves as “blissfully happy”. The email started “as if Wednesday afternoon wasn’t bad enough we’ve got a rather depressing relationship story for you”.
But. Is it all that depressing? That means that THREE QUARTERS of marriages are happy ones which is GREAT! Better than I expected frankly and who in life describes themselves as “blissfully happy” at the best of times, let alone in their marriage? Most people I know aren’t blissfully happy in themselves on a daily basis and if they are – well I’ve had to dump them as friends on account of the fact that they’re really annoying.
It appears, from the survey that the main reason that 23 per cent of married adults are unhappy in their relationship is due to a lack of sex, being ‘stuck in a rut’ and being more like friends than lovers.
Oh dear, what are those statistics going to be like after “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has been at the cinema for a few weeks? Maybe better? Or will it flag up even more dissatisfaction?
Others put their gloomy marriage down to constant arguments, having no shared interests with their other half and simply falling out of love with each other.
Author Andy Gibney, who commissioned the research to mark the release of his book, ‘How to Seduce your Wife, or Anyone Else’s’ (what does that mean?), said: ‘’Marriage can be hard and it’s unusual for couples to be completely happy all of the time. But it’s worrying to see just how many people are unhappily married.
“I believe there are two main reasons for this: firstly, thanks to Facebook, Twitter and so on, our ever connected world has actually made us more disconnected with each other”.
“You just have to look at couples in restaurants on their phones and iPads, not actually talking to each other”, he says.
“Secondly, I believe romance is a dying art and one we need to get better at – especially men. A bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates simply isn’t enough” (I agree with that….).
“We all need to work harder at not accepting the mediocrity of marriage and really start treating our partners like we want to be treated ourselves”.
“Love and marriage should be a journey of thrills and adventure.” (I bet he doesn’t have any kids).
73% of married couples admit they have an average of three nights a week where they barely speak to each other because they are too engrossed in TV, laptops or tablets (again no mention of children – strange?).
It also emerged 44% of couples don’t kiss each other goodnight before going to sleep (THIS IS CRUCIAL SURELY??), while another 39% rarely share a goodbye kiss before leaving the house in the morning.
More than four in ten never hold hands in public and 55% don’t usually say ‘I love you’ at the end of a phone call to their other half.
As a result, 39% of Brits don’t feel their partner gives them enough attention but 44% admit they probably don’t show enough interest in their partner either.
Researchers also found almost two thirds say their marriage has lost some of its spark, while another 66% think it is lacking in romance.
And 69% think their relationship needs some more excitement. WELL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT THEN. Go and find some excitement (and if you need a top tip, then just look at the percentage number and be creative!).
More than half believe a weekend away is the best way to get a marriage back on track (didn’t work for us but give it a go), followed by regular holidays and date nights, surprise gifts and trying new things in the bedroom.
Two thirds even believe putting more effort into the little things like paying more attention to each other or making more effort in the bedroom would result in their marriage improving.
It also emerged while the average unhappy Brit said their troubles started around seven and a half years after their wedding, almost one in twenty said they started to feel down about their relationship almost immediately.
And 28% even went as far as to say they regret getting married to their current partner.
“How to Seduce your Wife, or Anybody Else’s” author Andy Gibney says “Being in love is the greatest feeling in the world so learn the art of seduction and keep each other happy or find someone who does.” I’m not entirely sure I would agree with all that he says, my take on the matter is that if you loved each other when you got married, find a way to get the spark back. It just takes a bit of effort AND WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T ROAM BEFORE YOU HAVE COMMUNICATED HOW YOU FEEL so that you both have a chance to reinvent the partnership.
Top ten reasons a marriage is unhappy
1. A lack of/no sex
2. We are stuck in a rut
3. We are more like friends than lovers
4. We don’t share the same interests anymore
5. We argue all the time
6. My partner and I no longer get on
7. We don’t really spend any time together
8. We don’t have any money
9. We’re just too comfortable with each other to make the effort
10. We don’t really love each other anymore