My daughter and I have just been out shopping to look for an outfit for my brother’s wedding which is in a few weeks. I say “outfit” because:-
a) I am getting old
b) I don’t know if I’m looking for a dress, trousers, skirt, kilt, yashmak, burka or tent.
She is going to be a bridesmaid, so has already got her dress sorted. I am so looking forward to their wedding. I haven’t been to a wedding for years and it’s my baby brother’s wedding!! He’s marrying the girl I told him to lunge at!! I am even getting to go on the hen night and mess around with chocolate willies – do they still do that sort of thing? My hen night was WAY too civilised. I am going to be the oldest delegate (not appropriate word) there by about 30 years.
But WHY do I persist in going shopping with my beautiful daughter? I can’t believe how invisible I have become when I’m with her. EVERYBODY STARES AT HER. It’s weird – and she doesn’t even notice – even when I shove her out of the way or jump in front of her shouting “LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!!”.
Every time I found something I liked, she would say “that is the most disgusting dress I have ever seen” or ” you’ll look like a total minger” or “that print looks like somebody’s been sick on you” at best I got “that is very average, mum”. We shopped and shopped and she got more and more bored and then finally I tried a dress on that was a lovely colour and fitted and she said “mum, that looks great, just buy it, I love it” but I’m quite sure she only said that because she was about to pass out with boredom and was practically lying on the floor paying me absolutely no attention whatsoever.
Trying things on with her around is even worse. I strip off to bra and knickers and she looks mildly ill. She would look gorgeous in a black bin bag. All that lovely fresh skin. Whereas I am finding it increasingly difficult to find clothes that:-
a) Cover most of chest as no cleavage and sun damage
b) Fit across bust AND hips at same time as bottom about 85 sizes bigger than top.
c) Come to below the knee as have hideous knees
d) Preferably come to the floor to cover equally hideous calves and veins BUT not really suitable for a church wedding
e) Cover back completely
f) Generally fit at all
g) That suit me colour wise
Anyway. I’ve found something now. All I need now is a bag, shoes, belt, jacket and a plan for my head.
What is the form for headwear for weddings these days? Hats appear to be out of favour. I’m not sure I can do a feather although I did bring a lovely ostrich feather duster back with me from Africa that might work.
notSupermum
August 14, 2009What about one of those fellatios? (Fascinator). I did a post about that recently….
I'm sure you'll look fab, and try and enjoy it!
Janelle
August 14, 2009man. so so funny. i can picture the polaroid. bet you look gorgeous darlin'…really. x j
Fat, frumpy and fifty...
August 15, 2009you took the words right out of my mouth…and it wasnt when someone was kissing me meatloaf!!
I AM wallpaper….I hate it, but it is there…me plastered onto the wall,peeling here and there…a few creases more obvious by the fingerprints and greasey marks…its about time someone chaneged me…
great post so TRUe it hurts me..
Working Mum
August 15, 2009Don't, whatever you do, wear a fascinator. I wore one to my brother's wedding and ended up pewking everywhere with sunstroke. Hats are traditional for a reason, I found out to my cost!
dulwich divorcee
August 16, 2009Hmm, am getting same invisibility cloak effect when out with my older daughter these days….very odd …mind you, with you being so ravishing and all, people are probably staring because there are TWO of you! I would think you would look utterly gorgeous in a fascinator
Mud in the City
August 17, 2009If in desparation pop into the hat dept at Peter Jones – every possible (cheap!) hat / facinator combo going in a multitude of hues. Take the dress too (and the daughter if you want the Trinny/Susannah style advice) to check whether the colours work.
And do show us pics!
family affairs
August 18, 2009Thanks guys and yes, Mud good idea – will go and look at hats – but what's a Fascinator? Is it that feather thing? Lx