I went to meet my teenage son’s teachers to discuss his AS level options earlier today. The 8 year old was furious about not being invited out for dinner with me and his dad and his brother. I understood, but felt it was important for our 16 year old to have our joint attention whilst making his big subject decisions. ‘We’ll do the same for you when you are having to make your choices” I told him. ‘OH THAT’S JUST GREAT SO NOW I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER LIKE 10 YEARS TO GO OUT WITH YOU BOTH, WHEN MY BROTHER HAS ONLY KNOWN ABOUT IT FOR LIKE THE LAST TWO DAYS. THAT IS SOOO NOT FAIR”.
I met my ex-husband at his school. It’s strange going to events together to talk about our children. They all assume we are a couple. Well, I guess we are a couple in that context. It’s odd. They all direct their conversation at him. I’m just not used to that anymore. We made our way around the teachers, armed with his mock exam results and a career profile and he asks all the sensible questions and I try hard not to ask stupid questions and to stay awake.
Last week our teenage son wanted to be a lawyer – seemingly because they make lots of money.
This week he mentioned that he was considering becoming a Doctor. “Great” I said. “Much better” – always good in a recession and not a bad idea in this climate to stay in education for as long as possible, till everything gets a bit better.
The career profile was not very helpful as it was written last week when he was a lawyer:-
“Your son is very clear in his mind that he would like to be a lawyer. He intends to study English, Economics, Politics and Geography at AS level before studying Law as a degree course.
Suddenly we were rushing about trying to speak to the teachers responsible for the science subjects.
We spoke to his Biology teacher to ask whether he would cope with the subject for A level and in his report he had written:-
“your son’s performance in the recent mock exam was one of the worst performances I have ever witnessed”.
My ex and I went briefly to the pub to discuss tactics about how to present a united front before meeting our son for dinner. We managed to have a “normal” conversation over a glass of wine. It went extremely well. We made a plan. We even smiled at each other a couple of times. He seemed much more cheerful. I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he said “not OFFICIALLY’. Whatever that means.
We meet our son at the restaurant and discuss what the teachers have said. I say “I’m not sure about your commitment to the sciences, do you really think you can cope – you’re going to have to work really hard” and he says “mum, YOU’RE REALLY PUTTING PRESSURE ON ME – I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR – STOP FORCING ME” and his dad agrees and says you must choose the subjects you most enjoy and are good at. Great. United front in tatters. He’s got till Thursday to choose. I am going to try and keep my mouth shut.
Expat mum
March 10, 2009So hard. My nephew is thinking about A levels right now, but because he really doesn’t kow what he wants to study at uni, he hasn’t a clue! The good thing about the US system is that they continue to study a much broader array of subjects even half way through college.
But – there’s no problem with doing a Law degree and then deciding not to pursue law as a career. I did that – it opens lots of interview doors for you, although it would be a bit of a pain to go back and qualify as a doctor.
Ridiculous really that 16 year olds are basically having to decide on a career in order to choose A levels.
Working mum
March 10, 2009Really difficult to choose A levels at age 16 when you don’t really know what you want to do or what you will be good at (AS and A level very different from GCSE, a grade A* doesn’t mean you’ll manage the A level).
My advice is always to do what you enjoy because then the motivation will be there (so hard to succeed at AS level in a subject you don’t like) and it will hopefully lead to a career you enjoy. (Worked for me!) I hope he makes a sensible choice and enjoys his studies next year.
Also, although we want our children to make the right decision first time, it is important for them to know that they can change if necessary and not feel trapped in something they don’t enjoy.
Sorry for the lecture – the teacher in me just came out! Feel free to ignore me and tell him to be a doctor! WM x
family affairs
March 10, 2009Thats true EM – he could do law and then not a law degree, but I wonder how often that happens? Lx
No WM – lecture gratefully received – he’s definitely got to want to do it Lx
Nicola
March 10, 2009I remember choosing my A level options but neither of my parents were really involved. I ended up picking the subjects that really interested me and that I thought would give me a ’rounded’ outlook on life: economics / psychology / human biology. However, these subjects had no overlap or symmetry and I felt a bit of a schizo trying to juggle the breadth of information. Plus as a combination they were bloody useless at a) getting me a good university or b) providing me with any stepping stone towards a career. Which is how I ended up in Advertising. The persuasive waffling had to come in useful somewhere.
I think you did a great job on the united front – and I am glad things were so amicable between you. But it would have been nice for the dad to back you up a little, because you were making a valid point, wouldn’t it now?
Kitty
March 10, 2009It’s so hard isn’t it? I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up, at that age. And I still don’t know now.
Just for the record though – we ‘do’ separate parents’ evening appointments. After doing two together, I realised I could not longer even sit there whilst he spouted what I viewed to be utter tripe, and sit there as though we were united. We’re not.
x
Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3
March 10, 2009‘I am going to try and keep my mouth shut’ Good luck with that! Never my strong point – yet so important with teens. Admire the way you are dealing with it, what a difference it’ll make to him.
Janelle
March 10, 2009yeah difficult one. i had no idea what i wanted to be…still don’t….it’s a very fortunate thing to actually know what you want to do or be with a burning passion early on in life….it must give you such direction and security. i sort of stuck to what i felt i was good at and did a degree in english and flipping french which was SO hard….and messed around a lot at varsity….in a way, he should stick with what he enjoys instead of what he feels he should do….hard. so hard. when you are so young. glad you an ex had a good meeting…smiling and all that…good! xxx j
karen
March 11, 2009wow, what an update! yes, this is always such a difficult time in the teenage lifestyle..all the best of luck to all 3 of you involved in it… Been there, still doing, it, still getting the T shirt!!