I was shocked when looking at courses for my teenage son that one of the syllabuses (syllabi?) included sociology and one of the questions to be considered was “Who benefits from divorce?”.
“The Lawyers” was the answer that immediately popped in to my head and how sad is that for everybody else concerned.
The Times this morning has reported that 1000’s of disputes between warring parents will be removed from the courts each year under an overhaul of family justice. Instead, mediation will become compulsory as the role of the lawyer is reduced to a minimum. Perhaps it might even save a few more marriages. Once you have both employed lawyers you have set yourself against each other and the gloves are on. There was no going back once we had started proceedings. You had to be tough.
I think mediation is a very good idea and presumably will save a lot of money for the government in Legal Aid. We didn’t get to court, but I know a number of friends who have had or are having court battles and it is very very unpleasant. Useless conflict in fact because the parents simply can’t see the wood for the trees. Tragic for all concerned – but especially for the children.
kelloggsville
October 18, 2010We insisted on using the same solicitor, it really annoyed them. Everytime the lawyer started to churn up an issue we went in together and refused to get drawn into an argument. Example is pension. Solicitor was insistent we take pensions into account. She said to me “but you could get more money out of him”, my answer was we both went in and talked pensions in front of her. She didn’t once say “you could get more money out of him” in front of him. Result was a fast, cheap divorce. Solicitors create an air of tension and cause resentment. Mediation (where people can be reasonable) is wonderful. Whilst it worked with my ex, if I ever divorced my current hubby I know it would be a completely different kettle of fish. He would not be so easy going, the lawyers could have a field day with us. It would be like War of the Roses. I plan to stay married this time!!!!
Family Affairs
October 18, 2010That’s a VG idea – maybe that should be a rule – to have the same lawyer. Lx
Expat Mum
October 18, 2010Hmmm, that is a good thing. It seems to me that many divorces start off fairly amicably until the lawyers get involved. I understand that lawyers want the “best ” for their clients, but must they always destroy the family into the bargain?
Unfortunately, while laywers are still an option, mediation is often seen as something to try, but there’s still the courts to fall back on if it doesn’t work out. This gives people poor motivation to actually make it work. If mediation is the only thing on offer, perhaps more couples will try to find a solution.