Do you shout at your children? If so, does it work? Young children I guess do respond (although they hate it), whereas teenagers develop some sort of invisible flaps to cover the ears (or maybe they’re just called headphones) so that they don’t appear to hear what we are trying to say.
Of course, I don’t think I could actually believe any parent who says that they’ve never raised their voice to their kids – HOW CAN YOU NOT SHOUT AT THEM SOMETIMES?? THEY CAN BE SO BLOODY ANNOYING.
That said, I try not to do it because it really doesn’t help. All it does is make them either very upset or very angry and then you can’t have a reasonable conversation with them anyway. Scientists have found the same thing – “shouting at children leaves them depressed and makes their behaviour worse”.
Ming-Te Wang from the University of Pittsburgh says that “harsh verbal discipline appears to be detrimental in all circumstances” and that “parents need to keep calm and remind themselves that shouting won’t work”. Although shocking them into never doing something again, like running across a busy road by giving them a quick bollocking surely has it’s advantages? Maybe there us space for just one more “Keep Calm” t-shirt in the world saying “KEEP CALM AND DON’T SHOUT AT YOUR KIDS”.
It comes as no surprise that “teenagers feel insulted and it reduces their self-esteem” – however, that said, even though my parents didn’t really ever shout at me I was still totally misunderstood on every level and felt endlessly insulted that they weren’t listening to my point of view. So I bet that even if you grew up with parents who didn’t shout, there would be some other sort of “emotional abuse” that could be thrown at them. Parents are never going to understand everything their children want them to understand all of the time that is for sure.
But still, I know a few shouty parents and they are to be avoided. It’s embarrassing for the children apart from anything else and really doesn’t help. In fact, it makes the adult look out of control which is not the way to win a child’s respect that is for sure.
Expat Mum
September 16, 2013I grew up in a a shouty environment and it can be easy to slip into that default. I make a real effort not to shout at my kids, although weirdly, sometimes they say I’m shouting even when I’m just using an annoyed voice. I have just visited a family where the disagreements escalated almost immediately into raised voices and it was extremely stressful. No one was listening to anyone else. Definitely something to avoid.
Family Affairs
September 17, 2013Yes agree – what happens if everyone shouts by default is that nothing gets listened to at all – but I have the same as you – when I think I’m using my calm, reasoned, assertive voice I get accused of shouting when I am clearly not! SO UNFAIR X
DD's Diary
September 17, 2013I’m not a very shouty person so when I finally lose it, my kids do tend to listen. But I think shouting/threats are bad habits to get into in general, just no fun at all. Having said that, my stepchildren make so much noise you have to shout to be heard above them! x
Family Affairs
September 17, 2013Funny isn’t it merging other people’s kids into the equation….Lx
kelloggsville
September 17, 2013Do I shout? Do Bears. That is all.
Family Affairs
September 17, 2013Ha ha x
Rhiannon Edwards
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