EXAM REVISION

My heart goes out to parents everywhere who are about to have children embark on their exam revision. We are entering the BRACE BRACE stage of my daughter’s exam revision for her A levels. Because she is a girl, her revision demands are vast and varied. I have recently bought the entire stationary shop. She now has colour co-ordinated files. Three million plastic folders. Pens. Paper. She has cleared most of my shelves and piled lots of past papers in lines. Ready and waiting. We have stocked up on mini eggs and biscuits that she has squirrelled around the house until needs must. I have foolishly agreed to a regular supply of red velvet Hummingbird cupcakes as and when I’m in the vicinity of the shop. She has a revision timetable. She has plans to go and stay with my mother. The stress levels are rising and my son isn’t even back from university for Easter yet which will add a whole new dimension to her emotional state.

I really think it might be an idea to send teenagers doing exams away to their own special island so that us poor unsupported parents can get on with their lives without having to be on alert at all times. Or at the very least we deserve medals saying how well we did under very difficult circumstances. Or maybe I should buy her a Hummingbird Bakery and move her in there with an agreed lifetime supply of red velvet cupcakes until she has to be carried out by a crane.

My youngest son and I have been practicing how to tiptoe around her. Endless cups of tea are required and you have to really bite your tongue when she goes off at a tangent during an argument because this period of time has to be all about her. If we don’t get it right then she won’t be able to revise properly and will get even more stressed and blame us for ruining her life.

It’s already killing me and we haven’t even begun the really hard slog to the end game. Roll on June. Then I will be worrying about her partying too hard, so I should really enjoy this next relative period of calm.

The calm before the storm. We seem to have a lot of those in our house. She had the last 18th birthday party of the year for a few months last night. I got the worryingly inevitable 1am phone call from A & E. “Hi mum, we’re at the hospital, but don’t worry, for a change it’s not me…”. I offered to go to help out, but there were six of them there, supporting their friend who’d managed to break a glass with her hand and needed six stitches to one cut and many plasters to most of the other fingers. Such a shame. It’s her writing hand and she’s got her exams coming up. So sad. Poor thing. Look at her fingers:-

So to sum up my list, to anyone else going through the same thing it is as follows – any other contributions as to how to improve things gratefully received:-

Cupcakes
Endless cups of tea
Mini Eggs
Printer that works
Computer that works
Paper
Wine (for you)
Quiet shoes
Counselling (for you)
A badge of honour
A space for them to work that is sound proofed
And most importantly remember to keep your sense of humour!