I DON”T KNOW how I”m going to survive Christmas this year. It is already not looking good. Messy. The children won’t wake up in my house on Christmas morning – it is their father’s turn to have them. They will be back for Xmas lunch with me and my mother. God. How depressing. THEN on Boxing Day the rest of my family are arriving – WOOHOO – two brother’s, two sister in laws and two nieces (one brand spanking new). You’d think I’d be getting used to it by now – I’ve had a few divorced Christmas’s now. You have to try to be more creative. Or at least try not to care so much about how it’s all going to work. AND I don’t have a boyfriend to buy me a big present and I’m already in sulk mode. Which. Is. Not. Good. I must try harder to stop behaving like a spoilt child.
So. What am I going to have to do to get through it apart from consume a lot of alcohol. Everybody around me is freaking me out because they have already bought and decorated their Christmas trees and I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT. I am really struggling with the thought of buying and taking home the Christmas tree. So much so that I have even contemplated going back out with Builder Bloke for two days pre Christmas so that he can go and collect my tree and then do that horrible job of hacking the bottom off it until it fits into that stupid metal holder that doesn’t hold it up properly. Then I have to find the bloody Christmas decorations which are in a box somewhere and then I have to stop the children from arguing, untangle the stupid lights and stand back and wait for my teenage son (who will not have contributed to the dysfunctional family moment) to say “it looks like someone has thrown up all over it – Christmas sick. Gross”.
WHAT IS THE POINT? Why is everybody so obsessed with A STUPID TREE???? There aren’t enough of them this year apparently, so they’re more expensive than usual. WE SHOULDN’T BE CUTTING THEM DOWN ANYWAY. It is not eco friendly AND they moult unless you’re in the know and can discuss the difference between Norwegian short hairs and Finnish long hairs and non drop stupid ones. AND WHAT IS MORE IS THAT IT IS NOT MY JOB. I DON’T WANT TO DO IT. It’s a boy’s job which I know is yet another ridiculous thing to say, but it is. I do not want to feel like a lumberjack. Men like that job. In fact I would go so far as to say it is their most favourite job out of all their Xmas jobs – much better than sprout peeling. My brother nearly cut his hand off last year helping me saw it down. I will buy the wrong size. How will I get it in the car? Get it out? Carry it in?
I haven’t even begun to think about presents. For anyone yet. Most people I know seem to already have them wrapped under the tree. How do they get to be so organised? I wouldn’t even remember what I’d bought anyone if I did it now. I’d have people opening things and saying “who gave me this?” and I wouldn’t have a clue if it was me or not.
So my “How To Survive Christmas” top tips aren’t very well formulated yet. I must give it some more thought.
1. Find a bloke to sort out your tree or maybe buy a fake one (and incur the wrath of many) or something a little different and non growing.
2. Stop being nostalgic and get that image of the nuclear family Christmas out of your head.
3. Invite friends round. All the time. Every day. At least three times a day so that you don’t have to stop offering drinks to everyone.
4. I’m thinking about taking the children to a food kitchen to help serve other less fortunate people their Christmas meal. Would be good for us (especially me).
Anybody else got any good ideas?
Working Mum
December 9, 2011Buy a ready decorated artificial tree, buy everyone vouchers, buy yourself a bottle of Baileys – job done! 😉
Family Affairs
December 9, 2011Aah. Can u get ready decorated trees?? Lx
Bush Mummy
December 9, 2011Why don’t you all get on a plane and go somewhere and skip the whole thing? Or book into a hotel – there are some amazing deals out there as no one is going anywhere.. or go skiing last minute, cheap? One of my best Xmas days was flying to NY where they seem to carry on as normal and nothing seems to close.. I’m sure the kids would love an adventure?
Otherwise my husband is in W12 and fully available for lopping and putting up trees..
BM x
Family Affairs
December 9, 2011That is so sweet of you to offer your husband’s tree felling services out – good idea about going away but got lots of family coming Lx
Expat Mum
December 9, 2011Buy a nice, artificial tree. Less hassle and you’re not contributing to the killing of trees. Plus, they don’t weigh much.
Family Affairs
December 9, 2011I think I will x
Jon Storey
December 9, 2011Bah Humbug!
You can come to our house, if you can stand me being so bloody miserable about it all!
Double Bah, double bloody Humbug!
Family Affairs
December 9, 2011Oh you sound like my perfect xmas companion Lx
Anna
December 10, 2011Xmas is stressful, no doubt. All these expectations. Especially the ones we place on ourselves.
Every year I hope that I can go away from all the hype. Christmas can be beautiful and meaningful, but to me it feels like another deadline. I’ve bought two presents, one for my son and another one for my sister. I remember my son’s first Xmas: he was a few weeks old and due to my husband’s complicated family situation at the time we were expected in four places that day! And while we were frantically searching for all the baby stuff we needed to bring, we kept getting angry phone calls about being late and spoiling other people’s plans. We rushed out of the apartment forgetting to fully close, let alone, lock our door. When we came home late at night, we thought that we’d been robbed.
My husband is the one who has to put up all the Xmas lights and he is already miffed, but this is nothing. One year his late father bought huge balls made up of orange-colored lights that he could hang on his porch. And each year after that Jer’s job was to disentangle each individual light, check if the light bulb was working, and replace all the broken ones. It took days!
They did look fantastic, though.
Family Affairs
December 10, 2011SO stressful x
Bush Mummy
December 10, 2011Also tune into Downton Christmas special at 9pm on Xmas Day and Ab Fab return.. with a bottle of Bolly you’ll be laughing darling..
BM x
kelloggsville
December 10, 2011There are some really nice tree alternatives, I have in place of my kitchen tree a gold wired cone thing that is lit. I’ve seen some done with sprayed branches, there are some clever things that don’t involve big heavy trees but a number of the real tree sellers around here do a hoem delivery service that includes putting in in the stand 🙂 That’s my kind of service. Christmas is never never Dickension perfect, it is disfunctional familys thrown together under stress. Expect the very worst and you may be pleasantly surprised. PS give Amazon Vouchers wrapped inside a money maze or a puzzle box. inventive but easy.
Hope that helps, if not my second recommendation is brandy to block it all out until new year 🙂
Family Affairs
December 11, 2011Thks hun – going to look at alternatives. Love amazon voucher option x
Susannahs
December 11, 2011Over here we have “Andy On Call” and “Hire My Husband” franchises. They’re technically repair men but you can also hire them for some ‘honey do’ chores too. Strictly legit-no funny business. It’s worth the $ to let someone else wrangle the tree.
If you don’t have a similar service, just serve a lot of wine.
Family Affairs
December 11, 2011REALLY? Perhaps I should set up one of those here. WE ARE DESPERATE. Or do they have an international branch? Lx
janelle
December 11, 2011hmmm feeling not too dissimilar…no xmas tree up t’ hill yet…last born DESPERATE for one. must persuade safari craig to trek up mt meru in the landrover to get one…for some bizarre reason he is not enthused by the idea. he HAS to. shuddup and go get it, ok? this week. SIGH. lots love lulu darlin’ xxx
Family Affairs
December 11, 2011He HAS to you’re right – he’s safari man – thats his job x
Kitts17
December 11, 2011Amazon vouchers, fake tree – nice one, and alcohol. Job done!
Family Affairs
December 11, 2011If I’d have known Xmas was so simple I’d have been sorted before! Lx
LostAtSea
December 11, 2011First divorced Christmas. Correction, separated…Divorce takes a full year in Canada, so biding my time until May. Have so dreaded this season. Tried to suggest a fake tree to the kids, but they would have none of it. Someone gave me money for a tree…just wasn’t in the mood to go buy one.
So one ‘mental health’ day heading to the cold, windy beach, as I spotted all these decent trees along the highway, I stopped at a hardware store, bought a hacksaw and rope, and we cut down a tall, spindly thing near the beach. I kept waiting for someone to pull over and tell me that I couldn’t. (Tree police?) Never happened, though, and our 2″ diameter, 9′ foot wonder, with a flat side to accomodate the wall, managed not to slide of the car roof on the drive home.
Now it stands next to me, rather accusingly, as it remains naked. Next hurdle–get in the mood to decorate the bloody thing. Parents arrive for 7 day visit in 9 days……
Wide open to “How to keep sanity intact while working full time, being a newly single parent of 2, and hosting parents for a week during Christmas” ideas as well….
Family Affairs
December 11, 2011Blimey that was brave – wouldn’t have happened here – would have been arrested! Very difficult time for you to get through – thinking of you Lx
Rob Jablonski
December 12, 2011I’m miserable the wife decided to renovate the house during the holidays, who does that and she still wants to have an Xmas party, I just want to quit. Informing the kids that there will be no Xmas next year, I can’t take it.
Family Affairs
December 12, 2011Never a good time for renovations – hmmm. You will need lots of tinsel to cover things. Including maybe yourself and your children. I’ve decided that perhaps is the way forward. We all need to look more sparkly. Lx
Heather
December 13, 2011I think you should cheer up about the whole thing. Deal with the fact that you have to be both parents now and try a bit harder to enjoy yourself for the sake of your kids. Then everyone might enjoy themselves a bit more too. You are perfectly capable of getting a 6 ft tree in and out of your car. All garden centres wrap them for you. Buy a better base – one that grips and doesn’t involve you cutting the bottom off the tree (£30 from Homebase). Instead of saying ‘What’s the point’, say ‘I am going to sprinkle some happiness about the place’. You are not the only single mum. You have chosen to be miserable about Christmas with a ‘poor me’ attitude. You can just as easily choose to make the best of what you have, rejoice the fact that you have three healthy kids and smilel. Everyone will benefit, especially your kids. Happiness spreads happiness – you reap what you sow – and all those other cliches are tru. Your children deserve better at Christmas than you being miserable. You have it in you to make this a happy Christmas. So do it!
Family Affairs
December 13, 2011….and maybe you should get a sense of humour. If I don’t want to get a tree because it makes me miserable I don’t have to – most of the people who commented looked for an alternative suggestion for me and I took their advice. I’ve bought a fake huge black one which makes me happy because I don’t have to go out and buy a real tree that has been chopped down that I feel bad about and carry it home and do more chopping and do what I don’t want to do. I don’t actually need criticism at this point although of course you are perfectly at liberty to give it…. I’m not saying you have to agree with my view but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make me feel worse and make things feel more difficult by being judgmental and sanctimonious about it. L
LostAtSea
December 17, 2011@ Heather–Ouch! Why do you read this blog if only to make the author feel worse that she doesn’t think as ‘rightly’ as you do?? (Which is very subjective anyhow, and I happen to disagree with. Love Family Affairs’ perspective, sense of humour, and courage in trying to make the most of an agreeably difficult time…or at least be able to laugh about it and not take ourselves too seriously in the process.)
Family Affairs is right to say that you are being judgmental and sanctimonious about her quandry, not to mention smug and condescending. This is exactly the kind of ‘helpful’ advice I get to look forward to from my own family during their 7 day visit…which is why we usually talk a LOT about the weather.
It’s the Christmas season–if you can’t be charitable and nice, at least think of perhaps keeping the harsh “I’m better than you and this is how I think you should handle it…” stuff to yourself.
To Family Affairs–thinking of you, too, and wish you and yours the very best this Christmas! Love your blog, and the vicarious reminders to not take myself so seriously. Merry Christmas, and congratulations on the black tree–just perfect! (Any you may be right, I may be lucky not to have been arrested chopping the tree down–will let you know what happens next year. 🙂 )
saz
December 15, 2011hi, l’m gonna go with all four points, as this is the very first christmas without my son and daughter…daughter doesnt want to come to me and son is going, cos he;s stuck in middle and l havent told him l shall be alone, (as my lovely fella has done a bunk – a short story…..awww)
I may well fess up, but trying to be the martyr and its aint working for me…
as am off work for another 28 days..l have just put up the tree and iced a cake…but hey ho…ma and jack (daniels) will make a good pairing christmas day…cheers…hic
good luck Lu…wish you everything l wish for myself…and its all GOOD!!!
luv saz xx
Family Affairs
December 16, 2011Aaah. Come and spend Christmas with me? We should start a bloggers Christmas party – from Christmas eve through to New Year’s Day!! Lx
sarah
December 19, 2011ah this made me literally LOL a lot, thanks 🙂 I’ve got a good bit of the family Christmas fear setting in myself, good luck! x