IN DENIAL

“Swearing Mother” responded to my recent comments about how you can tell when men are “not that into you” by observing that “if you’re in denial it still seems to work”. I agree with that statement. I can’t believe how many people I know who are in denial about either their partner’s behaviour or about how they really feel about their partners and their lives in general.

“Denial” is an odd thing. Is it “denial” or acceptance? In my case, I didn’t think I was “in denial” because I couldn’t actually see what was in front of me. I suppose I didn’t want to see, or wasn’t ready but it wasn’t a conscious thing for me to stick my head in the sand, it just didn’t occur to me even for a millisecond that my husband would cheat on me. How odd is that? I wonder if that was arrogance on my part or maybe stupidity or perhaps I just trusted him too much.

It is so easy to be blinkered and not to see what everybody else can. I find it fascinating how easy it is for us to see and hear what we want to see in life. I wonder what percentage of us choose to know the truth, no matter how painful and disruptive it will be compared to those who don’t want to know anything that may disrupt their lives. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong way here, had I chosen to ignore the situation I might well be happily back on track with my husband and my children would certainly have had an easier path through life.

All three of my children are already in bed and it is only 8.30pm!

My 7 year old watched me putting my make-up on this morning. I still haven’t found most of it and almost every box seems to come up with another bottle of teenage, anti-spot cream. He can’t resist making comments. “Why do you do that? What’s the point? You don’t need to look pretty, you’re only taking me to school, you’re not going to a wedding, what’s the point? It’s only going to all fall off”. I wanted to say “PISS OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE TO ATTEMPT TO LOOK A LITTLE MORE HUMAN”, but instead I sounded like my mother and said “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”, I told him. “Anything at all” he said and wandered off.

I forgot to take his swimming kit in to school today, which was a really crap mother thing to do. “Thanks a lot mum, you’ve ruined my life, I had to go to year 4 assembly instead”.