“Why have you printed off an article all about marrying Mr Wong? my daughter asked me this evening. I wonder if she needs glasses.
I am intrigued by an article a friend mentioned to me the other day that was in The Times at the weekend. It was about a woman who felt that she married a conventional man for all the wrong reasons. He was an ambitious, intelligent man who adored her, but their marriage lacked passion and so after building a family together, they separated.
She should have been happy she says. They had “gorgeous children, a beautiful home, good friends”. But she threw it all away because she felt empty inside.
This story is not unusual. A lot of people find themselves in a similar situation. In fact, the article could also be called “a midlife crisis” or even at another stage of their life (maybe after the youngest child reached five years of age or after they had gone and climbed a mountain together) it could have been re-named “marrying Mr Right”. I am not judging her here. It just seems to me that she has written an article justifying the pursuit of personal happiness and true love and I am not sure that I agree with her.
Almost as an aside she mentions that there was not much kindness or respect in their marriage. This is difficult to come by when one member of the team doesn’t want to play the game, but I do think kindness is under-rated. Of all the successful marriages I know, kindness and compassion shine through. I do almost think human beings require kindness even more than love….or are they in fact completely intertwined? That is where we went wrong in our marriage. Too many resentments and not enough kindness…
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle”.
Plato
girl with the mask
June 24, 2008Kindness. If you marry a kind man, I think you will find happiness. So many men are inherently just not that way inclined. Don’t you think that is why women find comfort in other women? Because on the whole, women are kinder?
SusannahS
June 24, 2008I think that kindness comes from loving heart, and vice versa. They’re absolutely intertwined.
It’s interesting how we always want what we don’t have. I’m 32, unattached, and free to do whatever I please whenever I please…and all I want is a husband and family. Whereas my dear friend who married at 21 recently decided that she was tired of being tied down with 12 years of marriage and left her perfectly nice husband.
I guess the grass is always greener and all that…
Lehners in France
June 25, 2008My best friend had a wonderful, gorgeous husband. They built a successful business. She had a porsche, horses at home and one in livery. Holidays and cruises were not uncommon. She left him for a player with nothing, because she said she didn’t “love” him anymore. He was davastated. The player of course “played,” and she has gone from one disastrous relationship to another. Her ex husband has settled, had children and is now happy. How I wish it could have been with my friend, she would have loved children and she threw it all away. They are now on speaking terms and she often looks at old photos of “The good times.” I guess some of us never realise what we have until it’s too late. Debs x
leftforofficebike
June 25, 2008I’m now with a man who is one of the kindest people I know….and it/he makes me feel loved and cherished. Maybe they are intertwined and crucial.
I also think its crucial that you want to shag him every now and then….not sure if a partnership can survive without some degree sexual chemistry?
xx