I am thinking about hiring out my house to scientists who are interested in growing mould in petri dishes. I have rooms in my house that are virtually uninhabitable – my teenage son has been back two weeks and has only just extracted, (using surgical gloves and a mask) his clothes out of his back pack – I suspect it was actually writhing by then. I refused to unpack his stuff for him until he had given me my present. Which was a slight double bluff, because I realised early on that he had failed to buy me a present…
He did buy me a wristband saying “CHEERS FOR EVERYTHING” which I was very happy with. He gave my daughter one saying “I LOVE MY SISTER” which she quite rightly pointed out she couldn’t really wear herself because she didn’t have a sister and so it would look odd. He spent quite a long time pretending that he had tried really, really hard to find fake handbags and clothing, but failed abysmally – he said “I asked for Juicy Choo, but nobody had heard of it”
“JUICY CHOO???” WHAT IS THAT” said my daughter – “JUICY COUTURE YOU IDIOT..”
…and did I mention that he bought one for his step brother and several mates saying “UP BUM, NO BABY” which was particularly revolting and several of them are still strewn around my house because not surprisingly they didn’t really want to wear them.
Anyway, I braved his room the other day to make sure there were no dead bodies up there and here is what I found:-
You see what I mean?
It’s a spore war zone in my house.