My friend in Australia has just sent me this after my last blog entry:-
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six men will be dropped on an island with one car and
3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play
two sports
and either take music
or dance classes. They will also attend cubs, brownies, sea cadets or similar.
There is no fast food.
Each man must:
take care of his 3 children,
keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,
and complete science projects,
also, cook, do laundry,
and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills
with not enough money.
In addition, each man
will have to budget in money
for groceries each week.
Each man
must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out
on time–no emailing.
Each man must also
take each child to a doctor’s appointment,
a dentist appointment
and a haircut appointment.
He must make
one unscheduled and inconvenient
visit per child
to A & E
He must also
make gingerbread men or choc chip cakes
for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for
decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside
and keeping it presentable
at all times.
The men will only
have access to television
when the kids are asleep
and all chores are done.
The men must
shave their legs,
wear makeup daily,
adorn themselves with jewellery,
wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,
keep fingernails polished
and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks,
the men will have to endure severe abdominal pain, persistent lower back aches,
and have extreme, unexplained mood swings, but never once complain or
slow down from other duties.
They must attend
weekly school meetings, concerts & plays, church, and find time
at least once a week, to spend the afternoon
in the park or a similar setting.
They will need to
read a book to the kids
each night and in the morning,
feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and
comb their hair by 7:00 am.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child’s birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size, teachers name, best friends name and doctor’s name.
Also the child’s weight at birth,
time of birth,
and length of labour,
each child’s favourite colour,
middle name,
favourite snack,
favourite song,
favourite drink,
favourite toy,
biggest fear and
what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island
based on performance.
The last man wins only if…
he still has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment’s notice.
If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over
and over again for the next 18-25 years
eventually earning the right
To be called Mother!
Send this to as many females as you
think will get a kick out of it and
as many men as you think can
handle it.
Just don’t send it back to me…………. I’m going to bed.
Chimera
September 25, 2008Genius!
Perhaps should really send it to all the men.
T
p.s. Your last entry v funny and spankingly written! predictive text and visual impairment makes for many a ‘I’ll poo you later’
Berthddu Suit
September 25, 2008OMG!! Do we really do all that? It really does make you realise what we actually do doesn’t it? Great post
Suzysoo
September 25, 2008Brilliant!!!
DMM
September 26, 2008AH…LOVE IT…
Lakeland Jo
September 28, 2008Great post. I loved it. In fact I have put in on my own blog and referred everyone to look at yours- hope this is ok with you. It will certainly cheer up a few of my regular readers!
Your blog is great and I will certainly be back to visit
Working mum
September 28, 2008A friend sent me this by e-mail and I was going to post it, but with only one child, I didn’t feel quite qualified enough. Glad you posted it instead,now all the other bloggy mums can have a laugh!
Fat, frumpy and fifty...
September 30, 2008fucking brilliant!!!!